The Assimilated Negro

TAN keeps it real. TAN is realistic. TAN is in touch with reality. TAN writes an open letter to penis. TAN makes Hugh Macleod laugh. TAN reaches a wide audience of people like Geoffrey Hirschfeld, Pink Lemonade Diva and Anonymous. I know this paragraph can be mistaken as sardonic and this sentence serves to prevent such observations. TAN power! TAN power! White pow—! oops…

I look forward to TAN becoming a comedy writer for Dave Chappelle or Chris Rock—something like that—in addition to his other assimilation projects. There is a whole generation of “Black kids” who are actually TAN “kids” and they should get out of real estate, leave The Broken Home and seek the Promised Land. More of these “kids” are coming and they think they are “brand new” but really they are as old as that New Kingdom Pharaoh of The House of the Hardened Heart. Watch yourself! Don’t mess around a get beside yourself!

So here are some bad joke ideas for TAN people:

• A story about a wealthy, old-money family with strong African features who made their fortune from their chain of tanning salons. Photos of white guys dressed up as corporate executives with glowing eyelids would be funny to me.
• An interview (with photographs) of freshmen college students with strong African curly hair who decided to get a haircut from the non-Black guy in Campus barbershop.
• A follow-up story about Black barbers in white college towns who charge crazy amounts of money for haircuts. The more remote the town the funnier it will be. A product placement of Chef from South Park wouldn’t hurt.
• A mock commercial for 40oz bottles of Haterade.
• A mock review of a web site at http://www.whitegirlfriend.com.

For those of you who are interested in my ‘New Kingdom’ references, listen to a track named “Amen Ra Neter: Nefertiti and Shemesh Worship” in “LIBRadio Sampler: Three Sons of Africa” here at kintespace.com.

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